i have an appointment next week to get checked out for comorbid depression/anxiety and ADHD, and my biggest fear is that they’ll put me on wellbutrin, which is something i definitely can not do to myself, but it’s the only effective ADHD medicine with a lower seizure risk and a severe reduction in hypersensitivity. thing is, i don’t want to have to explain to a doctor that my depression/anxiety is a result of my rejection-sensitive dysphoria. i want him to get it. like, “no, doctor, i’m not still pissed at the world that my mom’s dead, and that’s no why i feel like my life is at a standstill, i’m pissed that if there’s a hole in my sock it’s all i can think about until i take it off and even then i’m still angry at and i spilled a cup and holy shit is that a centipede on the window that reminds me of the time brian lit one on fire oh maybe i’ll go have a cigarette but what if i burn ANOTHER hole in my sock well then i’m just a failure so i guess i’ll just go to bed or stare at the wall for four hours until i have to be at work also i didn’t eat dinner but WAIT, it’s too hot in my bedroom but if i open the window it’s going to be too sticky and i have to take this shirt off because it doesn’t feel right and if i just fast forward through this episode of adventure time i’ll probably just get the point, right? right. okay, let’s DO THIS.”

adhd actually adhd MY HEAD

Tomorrow I’m going fishing with my boyfriends dad which is just an excuse to start drinking at 4am. This birthday weekend is incredible.